The Reason
by emma moon
Summary: As Ginny enters her fifth year, she goes on a journey of self discovery and struggles over her feelings for Harry.
1. Chapter 1

_ Without the mask, where will you hide_

_Can't find yourself, lost in your lie_

_I know the truth now_

_I know who you are_

_And I don't love you anymore_

_It never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you've betrayed me_

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

_It never was and never will be_

_You're not real and you can't save me_

_Somehow now you're everybody's fool  
_

**Everybody's Fool ** by **Evanescence **

The stone floor was cold beneath her cheek. The sound of dripping water echoed eerily around her. She knew she was going to die in this hellish Chamber, killed by the memory of a sixteen year old boy who had stepped from the pages of a fifty year old diary.

Vague, blurry shapes shifted across her limited vision. She could feel her life's energy draining slowly from her body. She tried to move her head, but that action brought a horrible stabbing pain. Her feeble attempts caught the attention of the only other occupant of the dank room.

"Still fighting little Ginevra?" Crouching down, Tom's dark, handsome face stared closely into hers. "I must say you have surprised me with your display of will. I was so sure your pathetic mind would have collapsed months ago. Yes, you are quite a surprise."

Tom rose, and Ginny could hear his faint footsteps stalking around her.

"Leave me alone," Ginny whispered weakly. "Go away."

As soon as the footsteps stopped, Tom's blurry form knelt next to her.

"Oh no, I can't do that. I need you, Ginevra. You see, the weaker you become, the stronger I get. Soon, you will completely fade and I will be real." A malicious smile lit his face. "Before long, young Potter will arrive to rescue you. When he does, I will kill him as well."

"Not Harry," Ginny begged. "Please, don't hurt Harry." If Harry was killed it would be her fault. Why did she have to write in that diary? She was such a fool.

Tom ran his finger along the side of Ginny's face. "Oh yes, Ginevra, thanks to you, I will be able to kill Harry Potter. Nothing or no one will stand in my way. My destiny will be fulfilled, and Lord Voldemort will again strike fear into the hearts of his enemies."

A silent, solitary tear rolled down Ginny's cheek. She thought of her parents and her brothers. 'I'm sorry,' she thought. 'I'm not strong enough to fight him anymore.'

A booming sound rang through the Chamber. A malicious smile crossed Tom's lips. Ginny felt her blood freeze in her veins. 'Go back Harry!' her mind screamed. 'Get out before it's too late!'

"I think my dear Ginevra that we have a guest. This should be quite interesting. Not a word my sweet. We wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." Tom stood and retreated into the shadows as Ginny's world began to go black.

_Noooooo!_ Her agonized wail echoed through her mind.

Ginny jerked awake. Sweat plastered her nightdress to her body. Her sheets were tangled around her legs. For one terrifying moment, Ginny could not remember where she was. Sill in the Chamber of Secrets, her mind slowly focused on the scarlet hangings around her bed.

She was safe in her fifth year dormitory at Hogwarts. The Chamber was closed and Tom defeated. Ginny forced her breathing and heart rate to return to normal. It had been quite some time since she had dreamed of her first year. She wasn't sure what brought the memories back; perhaps it was the shock of seeing what Tom had turned himself into while at the Department of Mysteries that had caused them to resurface.

Ginny shuddered as she pulled open her bed hangings and climbed out of bed. With a quick glance around the room, she noticed her three other dorm mates were sound asleep. To prevent them from hearing her cries, Ginny learned to put a Silencing Charm around her bed during her second year.

Ginny picked up her wand from the night table. "Lumos," she whispered.

By the faint glow of her wand tip, she picked up her clock. Three o'clock in the morning. Ginny knew by experience that she wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon, so she decided to finish her Potions essay in the common room. That would free up the rest of her weekend and leave one less thing to do before Monday. Besides, it was late; no one else would be up.

That decided, Ginny put a dressing gown on, grabbed her book bag and padded silently out of the room towards the common room. She could see the faint orange glow of the fire as she headed down. Ginny shivered as it was chilly on the stairs. Hurrying now, her only thought was to sit and warm herself in front of the fire.

She was so intent at first, she failed to notice a solitary figure sitting on one of the couches facing the fireplace. Ginny gasped in surprise and a pair of haunted green eyes pinned her to the spot.

"H-Harry," Ginny stammered. "I didn't know anyone was down here. Have you been here long?"

Harry gave a slight shrug and turned to stare blankly at the fire. Ginny noticed the drawn expression on Harry's face and the dark circles under his eyes. Was he kept up by nightmares?

Gathering her Gryffindor courage around her like a cloak, Ginny stepped forward and dropped her bag on the table. She saw Harry give a start at the noise, then settle back to brooding silently.

"Couldn't sleep?" Ginny asked with concern.

Harry shrugged again and continued to stare forward seemingly ignoring her.

Ginny let out a frustrated sigh. Trying to get Harry to talk was next to impossible. Even after their shared experience at the Department of Mysteries, she was still considered an outsider to the tight knit trio.

"I couldn't sleep either, too much on my mind I guess. It's only the beginning of term, and I have a lot more homework in one week than almost all of last year! How did you manage? I don't even know how I'll do all my homework and maybe Quidditch..." Ginny trailed off. Harry was no longer staring into the fire, instead he turned and looked at her. Although now instead of haunted, his eyes blazed with anger.

"What do you want Ginny?" Harry ground out.

Taking a deep breath, Ginny stared into Harry's eyes. "I know what it's like to not sleep. I've had my share of nightmares too."

"You have no idea what keeps me up," Harry said tightly. "No one does."

"Why don't you tell me? I'm not as close as Ron and Hermione, but sometimes having a different outlet helps. I want to help Harry," Ginny said earnestly leaning towards him.

"Help?" Harry spat incredulously. "You can't help. Can you bring back Sirius? My parents? How about Cedric? No? Then you can't help me."

Painfully, Ginny felt his words lashing out at her. He had been through so much and felt he had no one to turn to. No one understood what he had gone through. Ginny understood; she just needed to convince him that she did.

"Harry," Ginny began. "I haven't gone through what you have, I know that, but I do know what if fells like... the guilt that eats away at you, never letting go. When I opened the Chamber of Secrets and set the basilisk loose, I could have killed every Muggle born student in the school! It took me ages to even approach Hermione and ask for her forgiveness. She forgave me, but I had to learn to how to forgive myself."

Harry stared at her and Ginny could see the struggle on his face. Hope flared within her. Maybe, he was ready to open up to her.

Her hope was shattered a moment later when Harry's harsh laughter rang out.

"Forgiveness?" he scoffed. "Why are you even bothering? It's not like we're really friends. You had a stupid crush on me, now you want to know my thoughts and feelings? I don't tell Ron or Hermione, my best friends. Why would I tell you?"

Each word slashed at Ginny's heart like a knife. She could feel a wave of sadness rising within her, threatening to drown her. She willfully pushed it back and let another emotion take control -anger.

"You're being a selfish prat! You're not the only one who has felt pain or scared! I was just trying to help, I know..."

"Yeah," said Harry sarcastically. "You know my pain, what I'm going through. Spare me. You're just a silly, little girl who's trying to play grown up."

Stiffening, Ginny recalled Tom calling her a silly, little girl when she lay dying at his feet. Hearing these same words from Harry ripped through her composure. Tears welled in her eyes and, for a split moment, she thought she saw a flash of remorse in Harry's eyes, but as the tears blurred her vision, she was sure she had imagined it.

Angrily wiping her eyes, Ginny glared at Harry. "Someone I once trusted called me that. I was that girl then, I'm not now."

"Ginny..." whispered Harry, his voice hoarse.

"Don't bother, Harry." Ginny cut in. "Just leave me alone, that shouldn't be too hard for you. You've had lots of practice, haven't you?" Harry flinched from the force of her words. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it.

Grabbing her bag, Ginny ran up the stairs to her room. She threw the bag down and collapsed on her bed. As the tears rolled down her face, Ginny cried for who she used to be.


	2. Hello

Author Notes: Many thanks to my beta, ninkenate. She's the best! Also thanks to my fellow bahs. You guys rock!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon, I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken_

_Hello_

_I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello_

_I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday_

**Hello by Evanescence**

"Ginny!" Katie posted the schedule for Quidditch tryouts!" Ron yelled, as he made his way over to where she was revising. 

Ginny looked up from her Herbology book to see Ron standing over her. She gathered all her energy for what she knew was coming.

"I'm not trying out." Having said that, she focused her attention back on her book.

"What!" Ron exclaimed. "Not trying out? You have to! You were our Seeker..."

"Not anymore," answered Ginny. "Harry was reinstated to the team. He's your Seeker. Now leave me alone. I'm trying to study."

"Well, you said you wanted to be Chaser, what happened to that?" queried Ron. He crossed his arms across his chest and looked hard at his sister.

Ginny sighed. "Look Ron, I don't have a broom; the school brooms won't work for the Chaser position, so I'm not even going to bother. With O.W.L.s coming up, I need the time to study anyway."

That was part of the reason, but also after her confrontation with Harry a couple of weeks ago, she didn't think it would be a good idea for them to be on the same team together..

"Well I, for one, think it's commendable that Ginny is concerned about her marks. She at least wants to do well on her O.W.L.s."

Ron scowled. "Lay off, Hermione, she has months before she has to worry about that." He declared with annoyance.

"Exactly, you and Harry waited until the last minute and you both had difficulty concentrating on your exams!" Hermione announced, her voice shrill. Her face was set with determination.

"We didn't wait until the last minute! Harry and I studied..."

Ginny attempted to tune both Ron and Hermione out. They seemed to be arguing a lot more lately. She just wished they would snog each other and be done with it.

_Yuck, mental image. Ohhhhh, scarred for life._

"Quidditch is important too! Not everyone wants to stick their noses in dusty old books all day!" Ron yelled angrily.

Hermione threw her shoulders back. "Really, Ronald?" asked Hermione icily. "So I'm a boring bookworm now?"

"You spend all your time reading. It doesn't make you boring, just a know it all." Ron announced matter of factly.

_Uh oh_, thought Ginny. _Open mouth, insert foot. Clueless git._

"I see," said Hermione stiffly. "I'm going to the library." She whirled away, grabbing some books from a table and marching out of the common room.

"What?" asked Ron looking confused. "All I said was..."

Ginny shook her head at him. "Ron, you're a thick headed prat." She stood and started gathering her books. "I'm going to the library too. I can't get any studying done here."

"We're not finished, Ginny. You have to go to tryouts on Saturday. You're still part of the team." Ron insisted.

"No I don't, Ron." Ginny said with exasperation. She let Ron see the annoyance in her expression.

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but caught sight of Harry climbing through the portrait hole.

"Harry, mate! Come over here and convince Ginny to try out on Saturday." Ron called to his best friend.

Harry looked between them and shook his head. "I'm not getting involved."

"Of course you wouldn't," Ginny snapped. "You never bothered before."

She saw Harry's eyes narrow in anger. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"Ginny!" said Ron shocked. "What's wrong with you? Apologize to Harry."

"I will not." she retorted. "Why don't you ask Harry what's wrong? I'm leaving."

Ginny turned and made her way to the portrait hole and climbed out. She stomped her way down the hall towards the stairs leading to the library. Everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Instead of healing the rift between her and Harry, she had went and made it worse. It was frustrating, this conflict of emotions she felt. Her crush had developed into something deeper. She didn't know if she loved Harry, but she had strong feelings for him. In the last few weeks, she had felt so much animosity towards him. Anger for not recognizing her feelings, for not acknowledging her existence. Was she so terrible? Was she not worth knowing? Was her only saving grace that she was Ron's younger sister?

In her haste, Ginny failed to notice that someone was standing right in front of her. She was jerked out of her reverie by the cold drawling voice of Draco Malfoy. "Watch where you're going Muggle lover!"

"Sod off Malfoy!" Ginny seethed.

Looking around, Draco smirked at her. "I don't see Potter anywhere. Are you lost? Usually you're dogging his heels hoping he'll notice your pathetic existence."

"Be careful of what you say, ferret," Ginny retorted. "I don't see your goons hovering over you. I could hex you into next week. Remember my Bat Bogey Hex? I've been refining it. You could be my test subject."

Draco sneered. "That was a lucky shot last time, Weasley. You won't get another chance." He had his wand in his hand, lazily caressing the polished wood. "Now, if you want to know true magic, I'd be happy to instruct you." Draco whispered silkily.

"True magic?" scoffed Ginny. "You mean Dark magic? Not bloody likely. I'll have you on the floor screaming like the little girl you are before you even get off a spell."

Ginny saw Malfoy's face contort with rage. He took a step towards her. "You had better watch yourself." He leaned close to her, his voice lowered dangerously. "I know your dirty little secret. You'd know all about Dark magic, wouldn't you?" Ginny found herself backed against a wall in the dim hallway. Draco positioned his arms on either side of her body, effectively trapping her.

A shiver coursed down Ginny's spine. "What are you going on about?" She inwardly cursed the fact that despite her bravado, her voice trembled. _What did he know?_ Ginny thought desperately.

The smirk was back in place. Malfoy brushed his finger slowly down Ginny's cheek before he turned and walked away from her. Ginny felt as if she had been plunged into the lake during the deepest part of winter. Shudders racked her body. It felt as if ice had seeped into her bones. What was going on? Malfoy had never given her the time of day before; he was always trading insults with Ron, Harry and Hermione. Something wasn't right, and Ginny had no idea what it was.

"Ginny!"

Hermione ran up to the younger girl. Concern shone in her eyes as she gazed at Ginny's trembling form. "What happened? Are you all right? Did Malfoy hurt you?" Hermione's voice, normally controlled, rose in volume.

Ginny's trembling legs couldn't support her. Her body slid down the wall to the floor. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. What had happened? Malfoy had only touched her, why was she so affected by fear? There had been something in his eyes, something that reminded her of her first year.

"Ginny..." murmured Hermione gently.

Ginny looked at Hermione and licked her suddenly dry lips. "I'm fine," she croaked. Her previously frozen vocal cords suddenly started to thaw. "He didn't hurt me." She saw disbelief on the older witch's face. "Really, he didn't. I don't know what happened...I feel a bit chilly, could we go somewhere?"

Hermione pondered for a moment. "We can go to the Room of Requirement. It's private and we can talk," Hermione helped her distraught friend to her feet. Ginny slowly followed Hermione to the stairs.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Hermione paced up and down the corridor with an intense look of concentration on her face. Slowly, a door materialized, Hermione walked over and opened it. She looked over her shoulder at Ginny. "Well, come on then."

Ginny entered the room and shut the door behind her. The Room of Requirement had been used the year before to conduct clandestine meetings of the DA. Now, it was much smaller and had a low backed couch draped in scarlet throws and gold pillows. A large tray of hot chocolate and biscuits was set on a table in front of the couch. A cheerful fire crackled in the fireplace. It was so homey and comfortable looking. Ginny felt herself slowly start to warm as she stood next to the fire.

After taking a few moments to gather her thoughts and composure, Ginny asked, "Can people break?" Ginny fidgeted nervously with the buttons on her jumper.

Hermione seated herself on the couch. She knew exactly what Ginny was talking about. "Some people can, but you didn't. Remember that."

"I don't know, Hermione. I've felt different...tainted since my first year. Could he have broken me? Made me evil?" Ginny's face was filled with hopelessness. She was so confused and scared. Waves of despair propelled off her and filled every hidden crevice with its gloom.

"Oh Ginny," Hermione patted the couch, inviting the younger girl to sit next to her. "You know it wasn't your fault. Why are you feeling doubt now?"

"Tom possessed me, I poured my heart and soul out to him, and then, he put a little bit of himself in me. Sometimes, I swear I can hear him, as he is now. Not when he was Tom Riddle, but as Voldemort. It scares me." Ginny's voice broke as she choked out her last words. Ginny sat next to Hermione, holding her body stiffly.

"Do you think you have a link to Voldemort, like Harry does with his scar?" asked Hermione worriedly. She put her arm around Ginny's shoulder offering solace.

Ginny's brow furrowed with thought. "I don't know. It's just random flashes, nothing substantial." She looked over at Hermione. "Malfoy knows I'm sure of it."

"But how?" gasped a shocked Hermione.

"His father, I suppose. Lucius Malfoy put the diary with my school books in Flourish and Blotts. I bet he told his son all about Riddle and the Chamber. That's what the ferret said to me. He knows what happened my first year."

"We need to tell Ron and Harry. Come on Ginny." Hermione leapt up from the couch. She was halfway across the room when she noticed Ginny was still sitting. "Ginny?"

Ginny shook her head. Ron and Harry treated her as an outsider. They went off on their adventures and completely excluded her from everything. She had to insist on being included on going to the Ministry of Magic last June. As far as they were concerned, she was just a nuisance. Not a part of their illustrious group. "No, Hermione, it's none of their business." Ginny stated firmly.

"Ron's your brother, and Harry's your friend. They'll both want to help you." Hermione approached Ginny and stood in front of her.

Ginny snorted. "Harry and I are _not_ friends. He's made that perfectly clear." Bitterness laced Ginny's voice as she tried to rein in her emotions.

Hermione started softly, trying to reassure Ginny. "That's not true Ginny. I'm sure..." Ginny could tell that Hermione was trying to convince herself that Harry saw Ginny as more than being the youngest Weasley sibling.

"He told me so himself! He sat there in the common room and told me I was nothing to him. As for Ron, he never gives me the time of day, unless he thinks a boy is interested in me. Then he goes into protective mode. You're the only person I can talk to. Please promise me that you won't say anything to them."

"What happened between you and Harry?" questioned Hermione. She seemed eager to know about the conflict between two of her friends.

Ginny briefly told Hermione about her encounter with Harry. When she finished, Hermione's face was flushed with outrage.

"He's taken Sirius' death hard, so he's been pushing everyone away. He blows up at the least little thing and won't talk to Ron and me at all." Hermione's face fell. "I don't know what to do help him anymore. He won't even talk to Professor Dumbledore!" She said with astonishment.

"Look Hermione, he's still your best friend. He'll never talk to me, so just be there for him. He needs you more than ever this year; he feels all alone with Sirius gone." Ginny stopped and lowered her head. "Even though I'm still furious with him, he doesn't deserve everything that has happened to him. He deserves some happiness. He lives with those awful Muggles who don't care if he lives or dies! He is constantly being told that he has to be careful, that he's The Boy Who Lived. What kind of life is that?"

Hermione squeezed Ginny's hand. "You're a good friend, Ginny, and Harry will realize it soon. Let's go back to the common room. We can still get some studying done before dinner."

Ginny laughed. "I'm tired of studying! Let's go to the kitchens, get some chocolate and pastries and take them to my room. My mum just sent me a bunch of issues of Teen Witch Weekly. They have some great tips for how to get that one special boy to notice you. _Cough_ Ron _Cough._"

"As if I would want your brother to notice me!" Hermione exclaimed with a hot blush creeping across her cheeks. The older girl paused and a mischievous gleam entered her cinnamon brown eyes. "Well, what are we waiting for? Do they have any hair straightening spells that doesn't require two liters of Sleekeasy's poured on my head?"

Ginny grinned. "I'll race you back to the common room!" she yelled. The girls both shrieked with laughter as they tried to leave the room at the same time. As they raced down the hall to Gryffindor Tower, Ginny felt at ease for the first time in weeks. She had someone who believed in her, someone whom she could trust and tell her secrets to. She had a sister. That was a lovely thought.ha


End file.
